What to Look for in a Matchmaker (Before You Sign Anything)
By Eryn | Meet Cute Club
A friend recently asked if I'd talk with someone she knows who's considering working with a matchmaker. Her friend had questions — good ones — about what to actually look for and how to avoid being taken advantage of.
I said yes immediately. And then I thought: this conversation is worth having publicly.
The matchmaking industry is largely unregulated. That's not a scare tactic; it's just true. Anyone can call themselves a matchmaker. There are no licensing requirements, no universal standards and a wide range of quality between providers. Some are extraordinary. Some are not.
Here's what I'd tell anyone considering working with a matchmaker.
Look for a Real Process, Not Just a Promise
A good matchmaker should be able to walk you through exactly what happens after you sign. Not in vague terms but in specific ones: how long does the intake take, what does the search actually look like, how are introductions handled, what happens after a date.
If a matchmaker can't describe their process clearly, or gets evasive when you ask, that's meaningful information. Clarity about process is a sign of professionalism. Vagueness is often a sign of improvisation.
Ask: What does the first 30 days look like? How do you find matches? What happens after an introduction?
Ask About Their Network And What It Actually Means
"We have a large network" is one of the most meaningless phrases in the industry. Every matchmaker says it. What matters is what the network actually consists of.
Some matchmakers work with a curated database of paying clients only. Others do active outreach — reaching into the broader community on your behalf, contacting people who aren't clients, making warm introductions through referrals. Active outreach is significantly more labor-intensive and generally produces better results.
Ask: Is your network made up of paying clients only, or do you do active outreach? How do you find matches for someone with my specific criteria?
Understand What You're Actually Paying For
Matchmaking packages vary enormously in price. Understand exactly what's included:
How many introductions are included?
Is coaching included, or is it an add-on?
What's the refund policy?
What's the contract term?
An ethical matchmaker will tell you honestly if they don't think they can find what you're looking for.
Ask: What exactly is included? What's your refund policy? What happens if I'm not satisfied?
Look for Someone Who Asks Hard Questions
A good intake conversation should feel almost like a therapy session. A matchmaker worth their fee isn't just collecting your wishlist. They're listening for your patterns, your readiness, your blind spots.
If an intake feels like a sales call — if the matchmaker is mostly talking rather than listening — that's a flag. The matchmakers who get the best results are the ones willing to say: I think your criteria might be too narrow, or I'm not sure this is the right time for you to invest in this.
Ask: What would make someone a poor fit for your service? Is there anything about what I've shared that gives you pause?
Check Their Reviews and Presence
Google them. Check their reviews. Look at their social media presence.
A matchmaker with a handful of genuine, detailed testimonials is more trustworthy than one with 50 generic five-star reviews. And a matchmaker who writes or talks honestly about the challenges of the process, not just the wins, is showing you something real.
Trust Your Gut in the Consultation
You're about to give someone significant access to your personal life, your relationship history and your hopes for the future. You need to trust them. If something feels off — if the energy is pushy, or the promises feel too good, or the matchmaker seems more interested in closing a deal than understanding who you are — trust that feeling.
A good matchmaker will tell you if they're not the right fit. They'd rather not take your money than take it and not deliver.
A Note on This From Me
I'm a matchmaker, which means I have a stake in this conversation. I want to be transparent about that.
I tell prospective clients when I don't think we're the right fit. I tell them when I think their criteria are going to make the search very difficult. I tell them when I think they might not be ready. Not because I don't want the business but because I'd rather have clients who are genuinely well-served than clients who are disappointed.
That's what I'd look for in a matchmaker. Someone who's willing to be honest with you even when it costs them.
Eryn is a certified matchmaker and the founder of Meet Cute Club, a Richmond, VA-based matchmaking, dating strategy, and singles events company.
